The age gap

You know what's hard about having your kids spread out, but not FAR enough out, is every kid is at a different stage. They all play different,  they all need disciplined different and they all need different chores.

I understand this, yet they don't.  

My 9 year old expects to be treated like her 4 year old sister and my 4 year old expects to stay up later like her sister. 

My 2 year old wants to play with my 4 year old, but they can't really. Not until my 4 year old understands that the 2 year old isn't destroying her doll house out of hate. 

 

Then there are the tantrums my terrible two year old throws in stores, restaurants, the gym...everywhere. Not only does HE cry about wanting a sucker, but my 4 year old joins in.  Apparently, her laid back attitude flies out the window when he starts to wimper.

I don't blame my 9 year old for never wanting to go places with us.  I wouldn't want to be part of this circus,  if I wasn't desperately trying to teach them how to act in public. 

That's another thing...sometimes my 9 year old throws tantrums that can't be dealt with like toddler tantrums. There's a completely different kind of dance you have to groove with.

I've had 9 years of diapers, 9 years of tantrums,  9 years of not sleeping well, 9 years of cleaning milk explosions from cereal bowls off the table every morning and 9 years with at least one kid at home. 

Parenting is a hard deal peeps.

Sometimes I think of my 9 years and wish I would've gotten the baby stages over in a couple years like others.  I shake my head and think how bad 9 years without a REAL job will look when I go back to work someday. I miss work!!

Then I smile because I've had 9 years of innocent, little kid love. Mommy/baby love that may be one of the sweetest things on this earth. I'm lucky for these 9 years. 

In 2 years when all my babies are in school, my tears will speak volumes. But after the tears, I will eat bon-bons....without sharing a single one.

You say tankini's, I say BIKINI!

This goes out to all those 30-something moms who are still strutting around the pool in bikinis.....

YOU ROCK. Keep on, keeping on.

Our society is so caught up in body image and covering up slight imprecations, that your confidence is applauded.

Whether you have the mommy pouch, muffin tops, wash board abs, too much boobage or not enough....your acceptance of your body is what it's about.

Now, before those who wear tankini's or one pieces start fuming...you are beautiful too. Wearing a swimsuit is hard work, period. Your swim selection comes with more acceptance though. People expect moms to wear tankini's and one pieces. There isn't anything wrong, if it makes you comfortable. Just don't cast evil glares my way while I walk around in my bikini.

We are in this swimsuit season together.

It's hard to be over the age of 30-something, walking around the pool with 3 kids and feeling eyes on you. Some eyes are cast out of jealousy, others surely are staring to poke fun. Your body isn't photoshopped like those in magazines. News flash: Non-photoshopped bodies are what young girls need to see.

If everyone at the pool wore one pieces, we'd be letting computerized, fake stomachs rule our minds and our daughters. 

I promise by being less than perfect in your bikini, you're helping other women believe in their own bodies. Moreso, you're showing young girls that real bodies can be loved too. 

We moved to Hawaii and I felt the insecurities of a bikini. I was quick to get in the water and quick to wrap a towel around me after I was out. Hawaiians don't do that though. They walk around in their bikinis, eat and shop in bikinis. 

Nobody stares. 

Chunky, old, young, toned-abs, muffin tops, cellulite, wrinkles..it's all accepted as normal.

Eventually, I grew to accept my bikini body.

Today, I live back on the mainland. Our first summer was a shock because every mom at the pool had a one piece or tankini on. The slight shame of having a bikini on started to seep in, but I pushed it back. I still walk around every summer in my two piece and will until I'm older.

When I do change, it won't be because  the stares of others. It will be because I feel like it's needed. 

I'm so tired of hearing women with beautiful bodies tell me that they can't wear a bikini because of a flabby tummy. You can, I promise. 

So go put on that bikini.

In turn, together, we'll be tearing down this airbrushed society that companies are poisoning our minds with.

Beer Anniversary

My creative mind has relied on a lot on Pinterest ideas the past two years. Teacher appreciate. Check.  Kids birthday balloons on their door. Check. Valentines beer bottle bouquet. Check.

It's time I offered one back.

Our 9 year anniversary present was looming and I hadn't a clue in my mind except beer. What guy doesn't think beer is romantic?

So off to World Market I went. There are so many fun beers even my 4 year old likes to help pick them out.

It was admist the beer bottles my Pinterest worthy anniversary idea clicked. A gift every man will love...

Your memories together/things you love/inside jokes, told through beer bottle labels.

Creative and romantic to a guy.

Check this out:

Everyone of those heart post-it notes has a memory or reason I love him that goes along with the name of the beer.

 

My morning friend

Goodbye, dear friend.

It's hard to say goodbye to the only thing that could make me happy at 7a.m. 

Your loud "grrrrrr" will now be replaced with an all too quiet silence.

I fought for you. Promise.

Your other master came home with a brand new, quieter version of you. He said it was consistent when you had a finicky reputation. This upset him, but to me it was your personality showing through. 

Truth be told...your replacement is ugly. Sure it's bigger, but we all know bigger isn't always better. 

Our decision to give you away came down to one simple test. Speed. 

Winner takes all.

I challenged your male master to a race between you and his new replacement.

After a loud "grrr" you started off in the lead. I was so sure you'd pull through.

It was with utter dismay that I noticed the new version had 4 streams to your one. 

It was catching up quick.

Suddenly, my world turned to slow motion. As you puttered to an end, you did your usual victory shake. This time things were different...you shook so hard my cup fell off and coffee spilled all over the floor.

In a race where only first place and a nice brewed coffee matters, you had clearly lost.

I had no coffee to show.

I understand you're tired ol' pal and need a good spot to retire. Maybe an occasional coffee drinker or even an owner who can bring back your vigor.

There were many sleepless night I found my refuge in your "grrrr" and  smell. You let me push your buttons and liked it. Your memory will live on every morning when I gaze at your disproportionate replacement.

Thank you and God speed my friend. You will be missed.

Breakfast

How do I wake up at 6:45 every morning, yet not have time to eat breakfast until 10? Notice I said eat, not sit down.

For lands sake, it took me 30 min. just to pour my cereal ( my hubby says "make cereal" which always makes me laugh because in my mind I see him in a Kellogg's factory churning out some mini-wheats). Anyways...

First, I get the milk out while Annie is eating her yogurt. Mid-stride to grab the cereal box I hear blood curdling screams and look over to see her yogurt plastered all over our kitchen floor and cabinets. 

"What happened?"

All she does is break down crying.

While I'm grabbing some paper towels, in crawls Declan to finger paint his PJ's in yogurt.

If you give a baby yogurt, he's going to want an entire cup of water spilled on him to go with it.

Because 30 seconds after the yogurt mess is cleaned up and he has clean clothes on, I hear him pouring water all over the floor.

"Where did that come from?" Tricky ninja cup!!

Annie starts crying again.

Sigh.

So begins another clean up. At this point, at least the water is ensuring all the yogurt stickiness is gone. Score the proper order of spills.

Here is my moment.

Everything is clean and nothing is in anyone's reach to spill. I finally pour my cereal and sit down to eat.

It's too good, I can hear the moment of calm laughing at me. I check my bases one last time. There sits my sweet Declan eating the pages of his sisters library book.

I love this. Seriously.

I love getting to eat this way, with my son on my lap so he doesn't get into one more thing.

My mindset has been reset with the knowledge that these are my last years with my babies. In a couple years, they will be old enough for school and I won't have these mom problems as often.

Breakfast will be calm and uneventful.

I am lucky.

"Mommy, why are you eating instead of playing fairy zombies with me?! Don't eat!"

That home-buyers itch...please don't scratch

My mom always said "don't scratch your bites".  Rub if I needed it, but never use those nails and scratch...no matter how bad it itches.  I didn't listen then, so it's no wonder I didn't listen when people told me not to buy a house while in the military.

I had this itch.  This homeowners itch.  It started about 2 years before we bought a home and I couldn't kick it. 

We tried to rub it and just rent a home off base.

It worked, but made us realize how much we just wanted to own.

We wanted to paint and rip things up we didn't like. Maybe too much HGTV was to blame or maybe it was our age.  At 30, almost every single one of our non-military friends owned a home.

So we looked and researched.

I panicked and got cold-feet.

My husband reassured me and talked me back into it.

We found the perfect place.

I panicked more, since we both didn't love the city we are stationed at.

"What if a chance to move came up and we were stuck here?" I asked.

"There is about a 2% chance of that happening at this point," he confidently reassured me.

So we took the plunge.

Nobody mentions how grueling the home-buying processes is.

And L O N G.

And stressful.

There were about 3 different times we either threw the towel in or the seller did.

It's emotional.

You picture your family in the this home on cozy winter nights playing games next to a roaring fire in the fireplace...only to have your realtor call and tell you something fell through. 

You cry and try to get over it.  You try to find things you didn't like about the home anyways to make it seem okay.

You get a call the next evening saying things are back on and the home in yours.

It's a rollercoaster.

Did I mention I was pregnant during this?

After months of stress the keys are FINALLY in your hands and the home in YOURS!

HOORAY!

Two months later your husband comes home from work and tells you there is a  job opportunity for his rank in the exact spot you wanted to go. And it's a pretty stellar job.

However, you just bought a home. Here. In a city you only had a 2% chance of leaving.

So is the military.  You can't put a guesstimate on when you'll have the opportunity to move where you've been dreaming about.

My advice, as everyone said to me, don't buy a home while in the military.  If you must, please don't do it while you are 6 months pregnant.  Things will be just fine living on base or renting off base. I promise you.

I know those itches though...sometimes they just don't go away until you scratch them.  Just scratch very carefully.

*disregard this if you happen to live on the beach in Hawaii.

**double disregard if you plan on retiring in the city you buy a home.

30

A year ago, I was laying on the bathroom floor of Pierre's so drunk I didn't want to stand.  The floor was fun.  I had made friends with another girl who was also ringing in her 21st birthday with the same classy standards I was exhibiting.  It was 21. The thought of laying in others bodily fluids didn't cross my mind and if it did--

---Wait...what's that you say? This happened 9 years ago?!! It couldn't have been.  It certainly doesn't feel like it.

I suppose if you do the math (who does math these days?!!)....I am turning :::gulp::: 30 today.

Seriously, where did my 20's go?

Time flew and so much life happened.

Marriage. 3 kids. 8 houses + a dorm. 5 states. Military.

Now, the thought of germs on the faucet in public restrooms throws me into a anti-bacterial fit, let alone the floor....in a club....known for it's dirtiness.  I want to throw my 21 year old self into a shower!

__________________________________________

I entered my 20's dreaming of being an actress.  Not for the fame, but because of the thrill of theater.  I dabbed my feet into it during college and fell in love.  It was about the same moment my college theater professor told me I should pursue acting, that I realized it would clash with my lifelong dream of a family and kids (that and my parents thought moving to Hollywood was a bitty nutty and unrealistic).

It wasn't long ago, I was reminiscing about what might have been if I had taken that route.  I came to the conclusion very easily that I am beyond happy I didn't. My kids give me far more happiness and life fulfillment than any acting gig. They are half of my soul and I LOVE that. 

I am happy with my 20's.  They didn't pan out ANY way near what I had imagined, but when I look back I really achieved a lot in personal inward growth and amazing traveling adventures.

So now, I enter my 30's wondering what "real life" dreams I have for road ahead.  Let's not joke...hitting 40 in a decade seems worthy of a sports car driving, hair dying, mid-life crisis.  That means my 30's will have to be a bit more adult-oriented so that in 10 more years, I can let loose again. ; )

Without further ado- I present to you, my "40 before 40" bucket list:

1. Use my bachelor's degree.

2. Go back to school for my masters degree.

3. Figure out a career direction and go after it full force.

4. Lose these 20lbs of baby weight that just love me too much to leave me on their own.

5. Run a 1/2 marathon.

6. Do a mud run, color run and one other fun race.

7. Volunteer for at least one cause dear to my heart: teen pregnancy, abuse shelter, eating disorders, military wife support, etc....

8. Feed a meal in a homeless shelter twice a year.

9. Go back to Hawaii without kids.

10. Take a girls trip to Vegas.

11. Go to Italy and Croatia.

12.  Ski again.

13.  Blog once a week.

14.  Start eating healthy for my health and kids, not my appearance.

15.  Realize I'm not in my 20's anymore and stop comparing myself to people who are.

16.  If I can't lose these last 20 lbs of baby weight... happily give all my old clothes away and buy nice new clothes to replace them all....because after 3 kids, I deserve it.

17.  Plant a garden and eat it.

18.  Get rid of my smartphone and live hands free again!

19.  Learn how to cook fish.

20.  Fly fish in a crystal clear river surrounded by mountains.

21.  Learn to fly fish first. ; )

22. Go to a music festival like Coachella, Bonnoroo or South by Southwest.

23.  Read Harry Potter.

24.  Watch Harry Potter.

25.  Live someplace amazing one more time.

26.  Move within 3 hours of Fort Wayne.

27.  Visit Lake Tahoe.

28.  Get up the nerves for an awesome shorter hair cut.

29.  Go on field trips with the kids.

30.  Buy a bike.

31.  Buy a new couch.

32.  Eat out less.

33.  Go back to Hawaii with the kids.

34.  Go to a Colts game.

35.  Go to an Indiana basketball game.

36.  Take a yoga class.

37.   Learn how to do smoky-eye makeup.

38.  Go to a shooting range and fire a gun.

39.  Go Christmas Caroling.

40.  Get a mini secret tattoo...no tramp-stamps here.